Falling Silver
by cows0816
Summary: For years, Kakashi was called a genius by other shinobi. For years, he knew that he was nothing more than trash. So how can trash save the Savior? KakaNaru/NaruKaka. Spoilers. Paired with my other fanfic, Flash of Red and Black.
1. Prologue

Falling Silver

Prologue

_Too slow._

_Not fast enough._

_There are too many of them._

_You have to go faster._

_You have to make it._

_You have to get there in time._

_You can't let him do this alone._

_You can't let him take this on by himself._

_He needs you for this. _

_You're his sensei._

_This is your job._

_And you are the best there is at your job (so they say)._

"Gai! I'm pushing ahead. Can you take care of this here?" I asked my green-clad friend as I impale yet another enemy with Raikiri. My chakra was low, too low, but I pushed on anyway. (And to think that Naruto was always considered the reckless one on my team.)

"You can count on me! I leave Naruto to you!" he said, much less exuberantly than his usual, but we were in the middle of a war. Still, his seriousness seemed out of place for him and felt unsettling. It made me want to end the war that much sooner. (Of course, I was too powerless. I was too insignificant. I was just trash among beasts and legends.)

I gave a quick nod to Gai before rushing on ahead, burning through my chakra reserves as I pushed forward.

_Faster._

_ You have to go faster._

_ You can't be late this time._

Finally I could see the blond locks I'd been searching for. But I heard an unsettling sound. I heard the crackling and screeching of my attack, but my hands weren't glowing with the deadly technique.

My stomach churned with the irony at the image of that important person dying by the technique that I passed on.

_Faster. Go faster_, I ordered myself as I pressed on.

Then the sound was gone.

Screams rang out. The sounds of last words and last breaths and cries of comrades rang from every corner of the battlefield.

But I heard nothing. Nothing. Not a single sound reached my ears because none of them were the sounds I was searching for. I listened hard but heard nothing as I pressed on towards my blond student, knowing that I would find my black-haired student there too. (And I prayed to every god I knew that the blond was still standing, knowing it would be too selfish to ask for both to be there. Trash like me had no right to ask that much of the gods.)

Finally I broke through the crowd, and though there was no sound, the loudest silent scream of all was echoing and tearing through the field. Blood was everywhere, and a cooling heart lay in Naruto's hand.

I was too late.

Trash was too kind a word for the filth that I was.

I couldn't save him.

Seeing that scene threatened to crush me with the weight of my emotions. I was joyous that he was breathing. I could break under the weight of my guilt for failing him again. My heart broke knowing that his was shattered as he held Sasuke's in his hand.

But I knew.

When I spoke to Asuma back then, he was right.

Even I wasn't immune to falling in love.

But I also knew that those silent screams were all his as he saw and said nothing. I knew that my heart was throbbing in my chest because I knew that he was in pain and wanted to be dead too, and I knew that my heart held joy in spite of everything because I was so glad that the was standing and was alive. And I knew that I had to keep him breathing, so I rushed forward.

"Naruto! Calm down. We have to fight right now," I told him, covering his eyes from the bloodied, cooling body lying in front of him, wrapping my other arm around his waist to pull him away. (I couldn't help reveling in the fact that he was so warm, so alive, even as the blood of his best friend cooled and dried on his clothes.)

Quickly, I felt him nod against my hand, and then he pulled away, surging forward, destroying every enemy in his path with a precision that even I found incredible.

I knew that he locked himself away and became a weapon—I was familiar with doing that myself, after all. I knew that he wasn't himself. I knew that he was tired and about to break—already broken. And I finally knew that I loved him so painfully much. (And I knew that I would never have the right to tell him, to show him, to touch him.)

It hurt to see him like that. I hated it, but he was alive, and being a weapon would keep him alive.

_Just fight, Naruto. I'll bring you back soon_.

oOo

_Too-white room. Scratchy sheets. Excessive air conditioning. Overwhelming smell of disinfectant. How long have I been in the hospital this time, I wonder?_

I looked around a vague memories of being carried after the final battle returned to me. He was exhausted then, I knew, but he still made took me to Sakura the moment Obito's body fell for the final time.

I sighed, wondering for the umpteenth time if the Sandaime made the correct decision when he assigned me to that genin team back then.

No, I thought, mentally shaking myself. I shouldn't have been given that team, but there's no changing it now. At least I was able to pass on Obito's Will of Fire from when he was younger. That's the best I could do as a sensei.

My mind continued to wander as I stared out the window, but then I saw an explosion of dirt and trees in the distance, near one of the training grounds. And reflexively, I was concerned, wondering if the peace was only in my hospital room, but the instant my Sharingan was revealed to try to see the cause of the explosion better, Tsunade and Sakura appeared in my room, looking to be in worse moods than normal, and when they noticed my Sharingan revealed in the next moment, the aura around them both just darkened further.

"What the hell are you doing with that eye open, Kakashi?" Tsunade asked, eyes narrowing as she approached.

Out of instinct for self-preservation, I immediately closed my eye and smiled a little, lifting my hands in a placating manner.

"I just saw a little explosion out in one of the fields, and since I don't really recall how I got here, I just thought I'd make sure that there wasn't a battle going on still," I told her, but with the mention of the explosion, the anger in their aura faded to exhaustion and worry, though they both tried to conceal it.

"The war is over, Kakashi, in no small part thanks to your student who is the cause of that dust cloud," Tsunade replied quickly before pulling out a clipboard from the edge of my bed. I frowned and looked at Sakura, but she seemed to push her thoughts aside for the moment and looked back at me.

"In any case, Kakashi-sensei, you've been in here for two weeks now. You'd be dead if it weren't for Naruto giving you Kurama's chakra, so please don't be anymore reckless and just rest," she told me, and I just nodded absently.

"How long was Naruto in the hospital?" I asked, amazed as always by his fast recovery, but the looks on Tsunade and Sakura's faces just grew more worried, tension lining their shoulders.

"You don't need to worry about that, Kakashi-sensei. Just get some rest," Sakura told me, giving me her best fake smile. I returned it before Tsunade asked her to go check on another patient. I watched her leave before I turned to Tsunade.

"Tsunade-sama, how long was he in the hospital?" I asked again, staring her down.

I could tell that she was tired, more tired than any Hokage should be, but I wasn't going to let her dodge the question. She stared back at me for a while, but then sighed, deflating.

"He never did come into the hospital."

"Then how long was he on bed rest at home?" I asked, but this time she just shook her head. I frowned more.

"Then what has he been doing?"

She looked out the window and I followed her gaze, seeing a dust cloud grow.

"That," was all she said, and my head snapped back towards her. After seeing Sakura's reaction, I wasn't that surprised, but I didn't want to believe it. This was bad.

"Have you tried to—"

"Of course I have, Kakashi. I tried to order him home to sleep when we came back, but he said he still had plenty of energy left, saying he needed to cool down and training was the best thing for it, so I let him."

I stared at her for a while. I hated it, but I understood. Even if you're the Hokage, Naruto doesn't take orders well.

"Then let me talk to him," I said, but immediately she shook her head.

"He may have asked for a sparring partner, but you're in no condition."

"If he's been out there for two weeks, he's I worse condition than I am," I retorted, but she just shook her head again, a more distraught look marring her face this time.

"He's destroyed the entire training ground, Kakashi. He's got more chakra than either of us can imagine," she nearly whispered, suddenly looking even more tired, and I frowned again.

I knew that he hadn't rested for days before his fight with Sasuke, and I didn't see him rest once after that. While we were fighting, he kept giving me and everyone else Kurama's chakra, and even then I still blacked out because I used too much in one go. And he still hasn't rested.

"How long has it been since the battle ended?"

"Three weeks."

"He didn't rest any before we returned?" I asked, and she shook her head again.

"He helped clean up and gave chakra to everyone that was exhausted and the med-nin while we healed everyone else up, and even sent out his bunshin to help clear the battlefield and rescue survivors."

This was very bad.

Over three weeks, and he still hadn't rested, and I knew that he and Kurama both were exhausted when I last saw him.

I wanted to rush out there. To do something, anything to fix it. But I had no idea how, and I could tell that neither Tsunade nor Sakura knew either, and if they didn't know, neither did anyone else in the village.

Eventually, I gave a short nod, and Tsunade left shortly after. All I could do for the moment was rest. I wouldn't be able to help him when I could barely stand, so I pulled my sheet back up and forced my mind to clear as best I could.

oOo

"You are on bed rest still, Kakashi. Strictly bed rest," Tsunade told me, giving me a hard stare as I pulled my gloves back on, and I smiled innocently.

"Of course, Tsunade-sama."

She frowned for a moment, but then gave a huff and left, grumbling under her breath.

Soon after, I finally found myself back in my apartment. It needed a good dusting, but I wasn't even given the chance to care before I heard knocking at my door and a familiar boisterous voice calling.

"Kakashi! We have not had a chance to celebrate since we returned since you have been in the hospital!" Gai declared loudly once I opened the window he was hanging outside. I thought about refusing for a minute, Tsunade's orders for bed rest lingering o the tip of my tongue for an excuse, but then I found myself agreeing to go.

A drink was just what I needed.

"Kashhhii! 'Snot good to keep that mashk on all the time, ya know?" Gai slurred after slinging back a third bottle of sake. I raised a brow.

"It's not like I keep it on all the time, you know," I told him, but then he shook his head and waggled a finger at me.

"'Snot za one I meant! Za other! 'Stha one you aaallways wear!" he managed. I just sighed. I knew I shouldn't have let him order another bottle. I stood and paid for the drinks before hauling my drunken friend up, maneuvering us out of the establishment.

"Kashhhii! You're not lisenin to me are ya!"

"I'll listen when you're sober, Gai," I told him, pulling him along.

"No! I'm shober enough! Lishen! Stop wearn' zat mashk! 'Snot good for you!"

"I don't wear it all the time, Gai."

"'Snot that one! Z'other!"

"Right, right. Whatever you say," I told him, feeling more and more exhausted. Maybe bed rest was a good idea.

"No! You-you… Idiot!" he suddenly shouted, thrashing enough for me to lose my grip on him. I nearly toppled over, but somehow Gai retained his balance as he glared at me. "Your emoshional mask! You… You always keep everything hidden from ush! 'Cause you think you should be alone, but you're jusht a big idiot! And ya can't help anyone elshe like zat!" he yelled, slurring his words slightly less than before. I stared at him, somewhat surprised, but then I just nodded a little and pulled his arm back over my shoulder, hauling him back home as I mulled over what he said. Even a drunken Gai could give good advice. (Or maybe _only_ a drunken Gai could give good advice.)

As soon as Gai was safely home and dead asleep on his couch, I went back to my apartment too and crawled into the bath, sighing as the hot water relaxed muscles that I didn't even realize were tense.

Memories of countless failures flowed through my vision as I soaked, but two stood out among the others, making me sink deeper into the steaming water. Twice I'd failed to prevent the fights between those two. Twice I failed to save Naruto from the pain of losing his best friend, but my failures were countless.

_Can't help anyone if I don't help myself too, huh? _

I sighed and sunk down farther, letting my head submerge.

_If he wanted to know… If he asked, I could tell him. _

_ If he asks, I will tell him._

_ Only him._

It felt selfish to want to talk to him, to want to confess my sins to him, to want to be forgiven (to want to be cared for), but if relying on him somehow made him trust me enough to rely on me in return would help, I could do it. I would do it. I wouldn't even mind if he crushed me with it, if it made him feel better. If it brought him back.

Suddenly, I pulled myself out of the water and dressed quickly before rushing off to the Hokage's office, entering through the window and ignoring the scolding that the Godaime was about to give.

"Two days. I'll rest all you want for the next two days, but then I'm going to see him."

Silence prevailed for several long moments as she frowned at me.

"Sensei and student are both a pair of idiots, huh?" she said finally, and I gave a signature eye-smile. She sighed.

"Get down off that window sill and sit, then. I have work to do."

I did as ordered and after sending Sai to go check on Naruto, she sat behind me and I heard her chakra humming at my back.

_Whatever it takes, whatever you need, whatever you want, Naruto, I'll do it._

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Falling Silver! (This first one is a little shorter than I expect the rest to be.)**

**Thank you to all of my Red and Black readers for the support and interest! I'm going to try to get the next chapter of Red and Black out soon, and hopefully another chapter of this too, plus I have some oneshot ideas floating around that will need to get written down eventually!**

**I might be a little slow, though, because I still have a paper to write for class, and I'm studying abroad this semester, so for the next week or two I'm going to be devoting a lot of time to trying to find an apartment near my campus.**

**Anyway, I'll do my best to update regularly still, and let me know if there's anything you want to see or if you have any predictions!**

**I hope you enjoyed it and will be looking forward to the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 1

Falling Silver

Chapter I

_Deep breath._

_ Nonchalance._

_ You're a shinobi._

_ So hide your thoughts and do your job._

"Yo!" I called out, pretending not to notice the faint tension that lined the blond's posture even as he grinned.

"Kakashi-sensei! Are you gonna be my sparring partner this time?" he asked. I just have him a small smile as confirmation and watched him inspect me.

"Are you sure you're up for it? Last I saw you were still recovering from chakra depletion," he asked.

_Don't worry about me. _

"Maa, I've had a few weeks to rest up. How about we get started, ne?" I asked as I revealed my Sharingan, knowing that even if he was low on chakra, I wouldn't last if I went easy on him, and I noted the small shiver that went through him before he readied himself and grinned as he went into Sage Mode.

"Let's do it, dattebayo!" he called before we both dashed forward, sparks flying as our kunai made contact with one another. I let myself get into the rhythm of the fight before I decided to start asking questions.

"How long have you been out here, Naruto?"

"Tsunade said it was two weeks a few days ago, I think," he said, pausing as we moved away. I threw a katon to give myself a second to clear my head again. I guessed that he wouldn't know how much time had passed, but I had no idea that he would be so far off.

_Now's not the time to show your concern_.

"So maybe it's been two and a half weeks?" he finished.

"You started training right after we got back, right?" I asked just before we clashed again.

"Yeah, why?" he asked. Then he broke away, and I did the same as we threw more shuriken before racing towards each other yet again.

"That was four weeks ago, Naruto," I said, trying to keep neutrality in my voice, but I could hear just a hint of concern seep into it, but Naruto either didn't notice or did well not to show it.

At any other point in my life, I would have assumed the former, but now I wasn't so sure. It took me far too long to realize what a great shinobi he was.

"No wonder you were able to get back all your chakra!" he exclaimed. Then we clashed again, the sharp sound of metal on metal ringing through the field yet again. I threw another katon, forcing myself to take a deep breath as it created a distance between myself and my student.

_That's exactly what he is. And you are—and will only be—a sensei to him._

"I thought that seemed like a quick recovery!"

"I'm more curious about how you haven't run out yet," I said, my nonchalant aura perfectly back in place.

He just shrugged before dodging my kunai. Then I saw a few of his bunshin diving towards me at all angles, trying to latch onto me to keep me from moving, but I used a substitution just in time and called out another question as we continued the fight.

"Aren't you tired at all?"

"No way! I can go on like this for a lot longer!"

And I knew that he wasn't lying. Despite the obvious wear showing through, he really did think that he could last a lot longer. And while he was a regular at pushing his boundaries, at least then he knew what his limits were. This time, he didn't know and didn't care. He only knew his limit to be the point that his body finally gave out on him—which I was sure would have been weeks ago if it weren't for Kurama—and I wasn't going to let that happen.

So instead of asking any more questions, I just focused on bringing an end to the fight.

And finally, my bunshin was able to grab a hold of him, and I was able to put him under a genjutsu just strong enough to immobilize him for a moment before I tapped a kunai on his shoulder, ending the match.

"GAH! No way! I can take down Akatsuki but I still can't take down my own sensei! What the heck!" he shouted and flailed once I released him from the genjutsu.

"Ma, ma, I do have quite a bit of experience on you," I told him, but that didn't placate him at all.

"Well that's bullshit! I took down Tobi and he was able to beat the Yondaime! I took down the guy that even your sensei couldn't take down! That's gotta make it so that I totally have more experience!"

_Stop that. Don't be considerate of me. I don't deserve it._

Ever since he found out that the man we fought was Obito, my teammate, the one whose nindo Naruto adopted, Naruto had taken to calling him Tobi. And I knew it was because he didn't want me to feel like I was fighting to kill my teammate, my best friend. Because he knew what that was like. But he had no reason to be that considerate of me.

"Well, I wasn't going to be able to last much longer. Your chakra reserves are ridiculous," I told him, pushing my thoughts deep, deep down so that they wouldn't show. This wasn't the time.

When Naruto just frowned and glared, I continued.

"Anyway, I'm hungry, and you haven't eaten the whole time you've been out here, right? How about I treat you to some Ichiraku?"

"Ehh, I'm really not tired yet. Maybe I'll just—" he started, but I flashed behind him and covered his mouth the moment he glanced away as he tried to decline my "invitation."

"I didn't mean that you had a choice in the matter," I said, letting some killing intent seep into my voice and aura for a quick moment before I unwrapped my arm from around him and gave him a little shove forward.

_Keep your distance, Kakashi_.

"And besides, you haven't had Ichiraku in a long time, right?" I asked, putting on my standard eye-smile before walking towards the stand, feeling slightly relieved when I heard Naruto fall into step behind me after sighing.

At the stand, I ordered two bowls of miso ramen for us, and Naruto instantly dug in. To anyone else, he probably seemed to be acting totally normal, but I could tell he was off.

He would pause occasionally as he ate and stare off at nothing, looking wearier each time. I watched for a while, analyzing the situation as I tried to decide whether or not the little envelope that Tsunade had given me would be necessary.

But seeing the tiredness slowly seeping into his eyes and his posture, I knew that it was. So when Naruto looked up to answer a question that Teuchi-san asked, I quickly emptied the packet's odorless contents into his half-eaten bowl before I turned to quickly down my own meal.

Once we left, I watched him carefully, wondering how long it would be for Tsunade's creation to take effect, but I didn't have to wait long.

"Guess training for four weeks wasn't such a good idea," Naruto murmured, wobbling after a few steps before collapsing.

I caught him just before he hit the ground and then immediately took to the rooftops, rushing towards the hospital as I shoved the guilt of yet another sin to the back of my mind.

At the hospital, I was directed to a room that Tsunade already had prepared for him, and I just sat by the window and waited as Tsunade immediately set about doing basic exams before she called in some nurses to clean him up.

As the nurses pulled the privacy curtain, I sunk back into the chair and sighed, letting my mind wander. For years, that wandering would lead to thoughts of my old team, but recently, my mind has relived those memories less and instead has been preoccupied with the blond that was currently hidden from my sight.

I first noticed the shift on our way to save Gaara so long ago. Something in me shifted when I saw Naruto fighting so hard to save his friend, but I thought it was because of pride. Because I was proud to have a student so like Obito in all the best ways.

Then on our way back from Suna after rescuing the Kazekage, instead of my sleep being plagued with inescapable memories, I started having nightmares of my blond student ending up cold and grey. Just like Gaara if it hadn't been for Naruto. Just like Rin. Just like Kushina. Just like every other Jinchuuriki that I had ever known.

At first, I chalked it up to being afraid of losing a student, of losing someone else close to me, especially since I had seen it happen to Minato, the man he resembled, Rin, the Jinchuuriki just like him, and Obito, the man whose nindo he'd adopted. But they continued and haunted my waking hours too, and I slowly realized that the nightmares only revolved around him.

"Kakashi, you should go home and rest," Tsunade said, pulling me from my thoughts and frowning at me after pushing the curtain away again.

"I will after a while," I told her, though I made no move to leave and had no intention of doing so. Her eyes narrowed as she frowned at me, but then left after putting Naruto's chart back in its place at the end of his bed.

I settled back into my chair and held in a sigh as I looked over the now clean and changed Naruto laying perfectly still. It didn't suit him. Neither did the pallor of his skin or the dark shadows under his eyes.

I had known for years that his grins were often forced and his laughter was often fake, but the darkness of his past only ever served to make his presence seem even brighter, whether he smiled or not. No matter what had happened to him, no matter what burdens he carried, he always brought the light of hope to everyone around him.

But because of the war, he had to sacrifice his own light in order to give it to others.

And so the strongest and most radiant shinobi of all lay in front of me, a broken shell of the man he had always been.

And somehow I had to figure out a way to bring him back, because if anyone in the world deserved to be doused in light, it was him. He had saved the world many times over, so it was our turn to save him.

But how?

Hours passed and nurses came and went as I mulled over the question.

It was merely a matter of time before he achieved his dream of becoming Hokage. Everyone of all nations already respected him just as much as, if not more than, all the Kage, so Tsunade was probably just waiting for things to stabilize before naming him her successor.

But as it was, becoming Hokage in the state he was in would only cause him more stress.

He was isolating himself—taking all the burdens onto himself while smiling at the rest of the world. And with the new title would come a whole host of other burdens, and if he continued to carry them alone, no matter how unbelievable strong he was as a person and a shinobi, he wouldn't be able to survive the strain.

So he needed at least one person to rely on.

He needed someone to pull him out of the walls he'd built.

He had friends who loved him and would do anything for him, but he still wouldn't rely on them. He hardly did before the war, and he certainly wouldn't now.

I heard the door open, and I was pulled from my thoughts again as a surprised-looking Iruka appeared.

"Kakashi-san?"

"Ah, Iruka. It's been a while," I said, giving him an eye-smile out of courtesy as he walked in, though I started to wonder if maybe he could be the one to help Naruto. After all, he was the closest thing to family that the blond had, and Iruka had helped him more than most after Jiraiya's passing.

Iruka simply nodded before sitting down in the chair next to Naruto's bed, looking him over.

"Tsunade- sama told me that you brought him in earlier," he said, and I just gave a nod, not sure how else to reply.

After a few silent moments, he sighed and looked over at me.

"He's grown up so much since he was my student."

I just nodded again as I looked the blond over yet another time, and after a moment, Iruka continued.

"When the Sandaime first assigned him to your team, I was worried that he would only struggle and feel more defeated and frustrated," he said, pausing as he looked Naruto over again. "But I don't think any other team would have helped him as much," he continued before looking back up at me again. "He always acted confident, but you gave him the confidence to back it up, and you gave him something to fight for and believe in and even someone to rely on. So thank you," he said, giving me a small smile.

I couldn't help my surprise, but then I gave him a genuine smile.

"Anything for my precious students," I said laughing a little, and Iruka laughed too before standing and heading to leave. But just as he slid the door open, he paused and looked back at me.

"He was my student too, you know, but now I think of him as a precious younger brother. Sometimes relationships change," he said, with just a small glimmer of something in his eye. I just cocked my head, feigning confusion as I hid the surprise that washed through me, but Iruka just shook his head and smiled again before leaving.

I sunk back into my chair, staring at Naruto as my mind tried to wrap around what Iruka said.

Obviously, somehow, Iruka knew that Naruto was more than a student in my mind—my heart. I knew that it couldn't possibly be because I was too obvious about it. Being discreet and keeping secrets was my entire job description, after all.

Was it because it had to do with Naruto?

That was probably it.

I sighed.

So Iruka knew. And far more than not seeming to mind, for some reason he was actually encouraging me.

I continued mulling it over for the next several hours, never quite grasping the reason.

As the sun started to rise, I was still pondering when I saw that Naruto was starting to move. Rather than sleeping deeply like he had up to this point, he was now moving and squirming with his brows knit together, but before I could reach over and shake him awake out of his nightmare, he shot up.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" he screamed, looking like he was about form a Rasengan to smash through some invisible foe.

I couldn't help being a little startled, and I automatically tensed to defend myself, but as he relaxed, I did too.

But the guilt and worry returned instead, and my thoughts about what Iruka said fell away. While Iruka was important to Naruto, what he said to me wouldn't matter. If Naruto only saw me as his sensei, so be it. I would make sure that he would be able to rely on me.

"Well, it's good to see you awake, Naruto," I said, pushing away my own feelings on the matter after Naruto gave a groan and turned away. The blond in front of me was the only one that mattered.

"'Morning, Kakashi-sensei," he mumbled.

I let the silence sit for a while, but when he said nothing else, I knew I had to. I had to at least try to make him feel like he could rely on me. I had to make him know that I was worried. I had to make him know that I knew he wasn't okay. I already swore that I would bring him back, and bringing him back physically was only the start.

"_Can't help anyone else with my mask on," right, Gai?_

I took a deep breath.

"Naruto…" I started, trailing off before I could even begin. I felt a lump in my throat already, only just realizing that this would be even harder than I thought. I had to make him know that I was worried without making him feel guilty, without making him know that I cared about him as something other than my student.

I saw his shoulders tense before he looked back at me, and I hardened my resolve.

_Do your job, Kakashi_.

"What was that dream about?" I asked, letting my real thoughts show. I was worried. I was to blame, and I couldn't fix it. But I would fix him.

"You already know. Why bother asking?" he said after turning away again.

I sighed. Of course I knew. I knew all too well.

He glanced at me again before immediately turning away, his entire body tense.

"'S not your fault, you know. I was the one who decided to take him on," he mumbled.

In the back of my mind somewhere, I couldn't help feeling a little relief that he was letting me in, that he was talking, but what he said still made me feel like I was getting crushed. He wasn't supposed to try to comfort me.

_You're much too great a person for being so a great shinobi, Naruto_.

And before I thought about it, my hand was in his hair, gently rustling it. I wasn't sure if I was trying to comfort myself or him, but that little part of me in the back of my head was much too happy when he relaxed into the touch.

_Focus_.

"It's not yours either," I told him, but I heard his teeth click shut and any tension that left when I touched him returned several times over. My heart clenched.

But he had to know. I had to make him know.

"It's not your fault, Naruto," I said, more gently this time as I tried to move my hand soothingly. I had no idea if it would help, but I was willing to try anything. He needed to know he wasn't alone.

"I just regret that you were the one to do it. It's a sensei's job to protect his students," I said.

_A truth followed by a half-lie to gain trust. A remarkable shinobi indeed_, my conscience spat at me.

"I decided to do it," he said, barely audible, though anger and frustration and hurt were evident, and my heart clenched again.

"You shouldn't have had to make that decision," I said quietly. This time I couldn't help the guilt from seeping into every word.

"Well, I did. And it's done. And he's dead. And he'll never come back. No one can come back when their heart is ripped out of their chest. And I felt his stop in my hand. So it's done. And he'll never come back."

If my heart was broken before, it was absolutely crushed now. He was still trying to be strong. Trying to be kind. But the frustration was just starting to show.

"Naruto…"

"Just say what you're going to say, damn it!"

And I knew I had to keep pushing. If I didn't the pressure in him would only hurt him more. I had to make him let it out before it was too much. But I had to make sure he wouldn't break in the process.

I stood and then pulled him to me tightly, trying to physically hold him together for what I knew I was going to do to him.

"It's okay to be sad, Naruto. You don't have to be strong for everyone all the time. I couldn't protect you before, but I'm still your sensei. I am supposed to be strong for you. So just let it out," I said quietly, forcing my voice to be even and hopefully soothing.

For a moment, all I could hear was the sound of him grinding his teeth together, but then I heard him curse, and the room was filled with the sounds of his screams. It took everything in me to not start crying myself. It hurt so badly to hear everything he'd been keeping in, but I had to get a hold of myself in order to keep him together. So silently, I just held him closer and stroked the back of his head and neck again and again, waiting it out as I tried to keep from crying with him.

Every sound that burst from his lips made me feel like I'd been stabbed with another kunai. It felt so much worse than Itachi's Tsukuyomi. This was an entirely different kind of torture. And it lasted for hours.

Every second that ticked by made it harder and harder for me to keep a hold of myself and my own emotions, but finally Naruto seemed too exhausted to continue. He slumped against me, all his tension gone, but I didn't move. My hand ran the same track that it had for the past few hours. Again, I didn't know if it was to comfort him or myself.

But after a while longer, I felt him push away some, so I helped him lay back down and tried to smooth out the crumpled sheets. I sat back down, though I left one hand on his arm, just running my thumb back and forth across his skin, not knowing and not really caring who it was supposed to be comforting this time.

* * *

**Hi everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long to update! My computer crashed in the middle of writing this chapter about a month ago, and I've been having difficulties getting back to it after loosing everything, but now I'm back! **

**I'll try to get a new chapter of Red and Black up this weekend, and hopefully I'll be back to my weekly release schedule! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 2

Falling Silver

Chapter II

I breathed a sigh of relief when Naruto's breathing evened and slowed to that of a deep sleep.

I just watched his chest rise and fall for a while, reveling in the sound of each breath.

He was alive.

And that was all I needed to know that eventually, he would be okay. Because he wasn't the type to give up, and I refused to give up on him.

Slowly, it felt like I was falling into a trance, watching his chest expand and contract to the same rhythm of my thumb running across his skin, letting me slowly process what had happened.

He let me in.

I knew that it was only a little and that there would still be a long way to go before he would be okay, but he let some of it out. And he let it out to me.

I wasn't sure why he decided to show it to me or if he would let me in any more, but I was not going to let him down. I was going to support him with everything I had.

Still, as I mentally declared my dedication to the blond lying in front of me, I also tried to crush the out-of-place excitement and hope that threatened to build inside me because of him letting me in.

_Supporting him is your job, your feelings are irrelevant._

After a few more moments of quiet and a deep breath, I started reviewing what he had said during those hours of cries. It hurt to think about, but I needed to figure out how I could help him, so I had to analyze and read underneath the underneath.

But the longer I sat there thinking about it, the more I could feel my mouth pulling into a frown beneath my mask. I realized that in those hours, the screams and cries had only been about Sasuke. It was all for mourning the loss of his best friend.

My heart clenched all over again.

Yet again, I realized that I had underestimated the blond's strength and kindness, and I also grasped just how little he showed me of his pain.

I couldn't even imagine how deeply his pain ran if those hours of screaming and crying were only the surface, only the little bit that boiled over. I was starting to understand just why exactly he never let anyone in. He was much to kind to show his darkness to anyone else.

But once a sun runs out of light, it gets consumed by darkness.

Fear and determination both washed over the moment that realization sunk in.

I could not—would not let that happen.

I mused for a few moments longer before I heard the door open, pulling me from my thoughts as Sakura walked in timidly, looking between myself and her teammate. Seeing his sleeping form, she heaved a sigh, obviously relieved, before pulling herself together and grabbing a clipboard from the end of his bed. She made a short, quick check of the blond before returning the charts to their place, but even once her task was done, she made no move to leave, just staring at Naruto as if looking at him would give some answer that her examination did not.

"He's always been a great friend, the best that anyone could ever have," she started quietly after several long quiet moments passed. I said nothing as she continued. "But I never realized just how terrible of a friend I've been to him until I heard those cries."

Her hands clinched the post at the foot of Naruto's bed as she stared at the blond, leaving a mold of her hand in the metal, but then I saw her push away the guilt as she looked at me.

"Thank you for helping him," she said earnestly, and I couldn't brush it off. I could only give a small nod before both of our gazes fell back to the subject of our worries. Silence filled the room for several more long moments, but then she looked at me with a small smile.

"You've always been really important to him, you know," she told me.

I just blinked at her. I was his sensei and comrade, and I knew that to him, every connection was a very important one, but I knew that she was implying a different sort of bond, but before I could prod, she continued, looking back at Naruto again.

"Naruto didn't leave your side either, after he carried you to the medical tent. He sat there and transferred chakra to you, and the medic-nin looking after you, the entire time. He held your hand when he thought no one was looking, and when he thought everyone was asleep, he would talk to you quietly. We all tried to give him privacy as much as we could, since we knew that he didn't want anyone else to hear, and most of the time it was too quiet to hear what he was saying… But he made a lot of apologies for things that he shouldn't ever have to feel sorry for," she whispered, looking like she was going to cry from remembering, and another painful twinge shot through me. Just how much was the blond keeping in? (Again, I tried to stamp out the small happiness that threatened to grow inside me from knowing that it was me that he was relying on.)

"He didn't even leave your side when the other Kage wanted to see him before they returned to their villages. Tsunade doesn't know, but he just sent a bunshin to greet them instead. He refused to sleep and wouldn't leave your bedside until after we were back to Konoha, and even then, we had to threaten him, saying that we would hospitalize him too if he stayed any longer. So instead, he took up the training field," she continued.

My heart felt like it was getting crushed just as harshly as I tried to crush the joy that was trying to latch onto me.

Naruto really was much too kind, too caring for being such a great shinobi. We were supposed to be weapons, and sharp steel doesn't mix with wearing our hearts on our sleeves.

Of course, that he could be so kind and so strong was what drew everyone to him, what made people believe that anything was possible as long as he was around.

"You're the only one he will rely on, sensei," he said, looking over at me.

I could tell that she had a flood of emotions rushing through her, but she did well to contain it and hide it, pushing back the tears that threatened to fall earlier.

"I hope that one day he can rely on the rest of us too, but you're the one he needs most right now," she finished.

We just looked at each other. I knew that she was waiting for an answer, wanting to know that I would take care of him, or else she would have to figure out another way to make him be okay. Absently, I felt glad to know just how much his friends cared about him, but my mind was mostly occupied with trying to wrap my head around what she had told me.

But I mentally shook myself. I could figure out what all of that meant later, once she had left.

"He won't be alone. I'm going to make sure of it," I told her.

She blinked, obviously a little surprised by my fractional honesty, but then she gave me a little smile and a nod before leaving.

"I'll leave him to you then," she said, giving us both one last glance at the door before she was gone, leaving me alone in the dark with him again.

Once the door was shut, I closed my eyes, trying to sift through everything that she had said.

For having such a powerful eye, I felt blind.

He worried about me more than I knew.

I didn't convince Naruto to rely on me. He had been wanting to.

I was a worse shinobi than what everyone gave me credit for, and he was a better one than anyone would ever believe.

I didn't deserve to have him rely on me as I was, but that would change. I was going to become someone on whom he could rely unconditionally, whom he could trust.

Naruto was the greatest man I had ever known, and I was going to become a man who could support him.

I wondered for a while about what I needed to do to become that person, but I knew that for the moment, I just had to be there. I had to be right there once he woke up again.

So I sat there for hours longer, continuing to run my thumb across his arm, waiting for blue eyes to open as I thought about everything that I had learned.

But just before dawn, I heard the door open again, and I looked up to watch Tsunade walk in, and despite the faint annoyance showing through her features at seeing me still awake, she seemed relieved that I was still there.

After reviewing the notes from Sakura and the other nurses and running her own quick check, Tsunade looked at me, and I could tell that she needed sleep as much as anyone.

"Physically he's already recovered, other than dehydration and malnutrition, but those won't be too hard to fix as long as he stays away from training for a while," she told me, and I just nodded, glad that he was at least physically okay, but that was the least of our worries, and the silence fell heavily between us as we knew where the true problem laid.

Eventually, she heaved a sigh.

"There's nothing that I can do about his mental state, Kakashi," she started, and I gave a nod as she continued, "Sakura and I set up silencing seals around the room and we moved the patients in the nearby rooms elsewhere, so you were the only one to hear everything, but I can't name him my successor yet. Not while he's like this, no matter how much he deserves the title."

Again, I nodded, and she paused as she looked over the blond again. I knew that she was trying to stay all business, but we both knew that she was even more worried about him personally than she was professionally. He had wormed his way into her heart long ago, after all.

"Just healing from the wounds he has right now won't be enough. More will pile on top of them once he becomes Hokage. He has to have someone that he can rely on—personally rely on—and confide in. He needs to have someone next to him the entire time, and right now, you are the only one in the position to fill that role," she said, looking at me again, and I was about to give another nod, but she cut me off, studying me intently.

"I know, Kakashi," she said, pausing for a moment as she glanced down at my hand, still resting on Naruto's arm, before she continued, looking at me again. "He's not a student in your eyes anymore, but if you're going to support him like he needs to be supported, you can't keep up the sensei act. You're going to have to be honest with him because if you aren't, he'll find out, and then he'll be right back in the same position that he's in now. You're going to have to let him in too," she finished.

While I forced myself not to show it, I was taken aback yet again as I looked over Naruto for what may have been the millionth time since carrying him to the hospital, trying to sort out my thoughts, but I knew that she was right. Lying to him, keeping it from him wouldn't help him. I had to be open, totally transparent, in order for him to rely on me like he needed, in order for me to support him like he deserved.

I couldn't help anyone with my mask on.

Finally, I looked back up at her, my resolve cemented.

"I understand," I said, and she looked me over again before giving a nod.

"Then get some sleep. He'll wake up in a few hours, and you're in no position to help anyone as you are," she told me, and once I nodded, she turned to go, but she too paused at the door just before leaving.

"I guess even you aren't immune to falling in love," she said, smirking just a little before she was gone.

I stiffened reflexively at hearing Asuma's words yet again, but as I relaxed again, I started to half-seriously wonder if I was in the right profession. Two people knew about the feelings that I was sure that I had hidden away, and I was about to have to tell a third.

I sighed, suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion.

I dropped my head to the side of the mattress and let me eye close. Then I drifted to sleep, wondering just how on earth I was supposed to confess my feelings to my former student.

oOo

"Since when do you snore?" I heard from above me, pulling me from my sleep. I blinked up at the blond, forcing my face into a neutral to keep from showing the relief from seeing min awake and the anxiety from what I knew that I was going to have to tell him.

"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself? Maybe you just heard yourself snoring. You've always been pretty loud about it," I told him flatly as I rearranged my thoughts.

As I watched him roll his eyes, I locked away my nervousness. I may not have figured out how I would tell him, but that didn't matter, and neither did my feelings. I would tell him for the sake of being honest with him, but my feelings wouldn't change my position. I would support him with everything I had, no matter who he wanted to be with. I wasn't expecting a relationship of any sort out of my confession, so there was no reason to be anxious. (That was the theory, at least.)

"Whatever. Any idea when I can get out of here?" he asked, hope evident in his voice. He wasn't particularly fond of staying in the hospital, but then again, I didn't know anyone who was.

Instead of giving a shrug, I heard the door opening and looked over Naruto's shoulder to see Tsunade walking in. She gave me a quick glance before looking to the blond.

"You can leave today, if you like, Naruto," she said, and Naruto's face instantly light up as he whipped his head around to look at the buxom Hokage. I raised my eyebrow at her, surprised that she was letting him out already, even if he was physically healed.

"Seriously, Baa-chan!?" Naruto asked eagerly, and Tsunade didn't even flinch at the nickname, apparently used to it finally, as she gave a small smile and nod.

"No training for a week, though, and no heavy meals, like ramen, for a day or two, but aside from that, you're free to go," she said, giving him a stern look before she suddenly found herself wrapped up in a hug.

"You're the best, Baa-chan!" he grinned, before grabbing his normal clothes and dashing into the bathroom to change.

Tsunade quickly schooled her surprise as I spoke up.

"You're letting him out already? I know that you said he was physically recovered already, but—"

"It'll be easier for both of you if he's somewhere he's more comfortable, and here isn't it," she said, cutting me off as we spoke quietly. I nodded but stared at the door that hid the blond from view.

"You still haven't figured out how to tell him?"

I shook my head silently, and she was about to speak again when Naruto came out of the bathroom again, in his usual orange garb, grinning at us before heading to the door.

"Remember, Naruto! No training for a week!" Tsunade called after him as he slid the door open, and the blond sent another grin back our way.

"Sure thing, Baa-chan! Be sure that you get some rest too!" he said, and then he was gone from view.

I frowned again.

He worried about others so much, and himself not enough.

"That brat needs to learn to learn to mind his own business," she grumbled, looking after him, and I gave an eye-smile as she looked over out of politeness. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose for a minute before composing herself and looking at me again.

"I know that this won't be easy for you, Kakashi, but we're all relying on you," she said, and I let my smile drop as I nodded seriously, ignoring the anxiety that was clawing inside of me.

I waited quietly for her to say what she wanted, absently missing the warmth of his arm beneath my hand, but then I found Tsunade's hand on my shoulder.

"Good luck," she told me quietly, and then she left.

I sighed but then composed myself and headed out of the hospital, walking slowly towards Naruto's place.

I knew that it would be better to do it sooner rather than later, while he might still feel like letting someone close, but despite the necessity, I was in no rush to get there.

For the sake of appearances, for normality, I pulled out a familiar green book and assumed my normal slouch, but my mind was actually anything but relaxed.

It moved a mile a minute, and my heart bounded hard in my ears, drowning out the sound my footsteps. I tried to think of how I could tell him. I tried to think of what I could say. How I could make him open up. How I could open up to him.

But as the door to Naruto's apartment appeared before me, I wasn't any closer to an answer.

I knocked twice, but there was no answer, and I noticed that the door was partially open. I resisted the urge to laugh. Some things never changed.

I let myself into the apartment, making myself relax.

I had already made my decision, and all that was left was to act on it. Actions had always gotten through to Naruto better than words anyway.

I knocked on the bathroom door, hearing Naruto inside, probably in the bathtub and waited as I heard him moving around inside. I listened as footsteps approached, and a hand fell onto the doorknob.

_Deep breath._

_ You love him._

_ So show him and take care of him._

"Yo!"

* * *

**Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed reading the chapter. I should have another one up around the first of November. (Next weekend I should be posting another chapter of Red and Black, in case you follow that too.)**

**Also, this week I have midterms, but the week after I'll have off, so I might be able to start working on a KakaNaru oneshot that's been floating around my head for a while (as long as I don't get too lazy). **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a marvelous day!**


	4. Chapter 3

Falling Silver

Chapter III

While I had consciously decided that I didn't expect a relationship out of my looming confession to the blond staring at me with confusion, my resolve suddenly felt very brittle. While I was normally quite skilled at preparing for the unexpected since it was my job, Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja always seemed to surprise me, and this time it was entirely my own fault.

_You interrupted his bath, Kakashi. What did you expect?_

But I forced myself to resist the urge to drink in all of the sight of the towel-clad shinobi in front of me, no matter how enticing the sight.

I watched the muscles in his chest flex and relax as he sighed and shrugged, and an unscarred arm motion me towards the living room despite its many injuries in the past. I followed its gesture and headed into his living room, though my head turned to glance back at him without my brain's consent just in time to watch his flawless back retreating into the bedroom.

Get a grip, Kakashi.

I had to remind myself what I was there for. I wasn't there to check him out or seduce him. I was there to make him open up while there was still a chance. I was there to make myself entirely vulnerable to him in order to make him be at ease with relying on me, to make him trust me with all the weight that held him down.

I mentally shook myself as I sat down on the dusty couch and stared ahead, my stomach churning again as I tried to think of what to say.

Of all the times that I had to get it right, I knew that this was it.

The gravity of that realization weighed on me.

I had more confidence going up against Pein than showing my feelings and supporting the man I'd come to love, and yet again I wondered if everyone chose the right person to pur their trust into.

But I pushed that thought aside. Now wasn't the time for that. I had to show him I cared. I had to show him that he was cared for. I had to show him that I could and would support him.

_He's always been better at understanding actions than words anyway._

I was pulled from my thoughts as he walked back in and sat on the other side of the couch. I watched him for a while and then looked away, waiting, wondering how to even start, but the silence lasted for too long.

Had I been told back then that that trouble-making kid clad in bright orange from all those years ago would end up sitting silently next to me for that long, I never would have believed it.

_For all your skills at deception and uncovering the truth, you figured him out much too late._

"You've gotten quieter since you first joined my team," I said eventually, deciding to voice one of my thoughts.

"I don't have to be loud all the time anymore," he said giving a shrug, but I stared at him and saw that look in his eye, showing his true thoughts, the true meanings behind the what he said.

No, he didn't have to be loud anymore. He didn't have to gain the attention of anyone. He had the attention of the world. And now he was getting crushed by it. Because both back then and now, he only showed light to the world.

But not to me.

Yet again, she was showing just those little cracks in the walls around him, and he was showing them specifically to me.

I didn't know why.

I wanted so badly to know. And I wanted so badly to reach out to him. To hug him.

But I couldn't make him retreat back behind those walls.

Finally, I stood up and moved to be in front of him. I may be good at talking and making him understand, but he would always be better with actions than words.

Show him you care.

He stated up at me, confused and I tried to force my heart rate to slow to normal as I dropped my hand on top of his head, gently ruffling the still-damp locks.

He frowned slightly, but I'd already made up my mind.

"I know that you don't have to force yourself to be loud anymore, but you don't have to force yourself to be quiet either," I told him. I didn't force my voice to be gentle. He didn't need to be pitied.

But he still frowned even more and knocked my hand away, and the moment that my hand was no longer tangled in his hair, it felt like my heart was getting squeezed. Had I already messed up? Was he rejecting me already? (I tried to ignore how much I already longed to feel the warmth against my hand again.)

But I shoved it all back.

I wasn't giving up.

That wasn't his nindo, and it wouldn't be mine either.

"Thanks, but you don't have to worry about me," he said, looking away.

My chest constricted painfully again.

_Much too kind._

_ Much too gentle._

But he hadn't kicked me out yet. He hadn't yelled at me to leave.

So I was going to press on.

_Tell him._

"There's no one I'd rather worry about," I said quietly.

I couldn't believe how hard this was. I wasn't expecting a relationship. I wasn't expecting anything. But even though I was convinced that I would be fine with Naruto totally ruining me if it made him better, I just couldn't bring myself to open up. At least not all at once.

And gods did I ever just want to feel his warmth against my hand again before I got rejected. Before he wouldn't look at me ever again.

Finally, he looked up at me with the most perplexed expression.

"Huh?" he managed, and I knew my next step.

_Show him._

I suddenly found my arms wrapped around him, doing the same motion that seemed to help him relax before.

_So warm._

_ Just like his personality, his aura._

"Naruto," I mumbled, pausing for a second as I pushed the thought of how wonderful his name sounded on my tongue from my mind. "What happened out there isn't the only thing you have to be upset about. You don't have to keep it in for the sake of everyone else. We all know you're strong. But don't forget that you're not the only strong one. The war began to protect you. We all still want to protect you," I told him, thinking back to Sakura's expression.

But then I felt him shove me away, and as he stood, I worried again that I'd messed up, that I should have stuck with opening up about myself instead, that maybe I'd chosen the wrong words.

"Yeah, right. Almost every fucking moment of my life has been worth being upset over, and I'm the reason everyone is dead. Thanks for reminding me," he spat, though he wasn't looking at me.

My eyes went wide. That wasn't what I meant, and even as I knew that he was opening up just a little, I didn't mean to do it like that.

"That's not—"

Yeah, I know. But I just don't want to talk. And you get that, I'm sure. When was the lst time you talked to anyone about why you're always late? Or about the reason you have that Sharingan? Or the Mangekyo, huh? I would say not for years, but, knowing you, you've never talked to anyone about it. Ever. I doubt even the Forth heard it from your own mouth. So don't bother with me, either," he said, cutting me off.

It felt like I was slapped in the face right then, and even though I was given plenty of information at that moment, Gai's words rang in my ears yet again.

I had to tell him. I had to tell him everything. Not just my feelings. I had to show him all of the darkness that I'd ever hidden away too. Everything that has always weighed on me. Every reason that I was not worth his love. And only then would I be able to tell him that I loved him anyway.

All that flashed through my head as he walked back to his room, and I knew that I had to do it before he reached the door. Otherwise I would be shut out of his house and his heart for good.

I took a calming breath before the words started to tumble out as I stared at the floor by his feet. I couldn't look at him. I was too ashamed of my failures. To be telling him all of them and yet still hoping for him to rely on me.

"I talk to Obito and Rin there. The memorial stone. I go every day that I don't have a mission. Sometimes I ask for advice, and I always lose track of time telling them about everything. Though Obito already sees it all thanks to this, I'm sure," I started quietly, trying to keep myself from choking on my own emotions as I tapped the material hiding the eye from view.

I paused for half a second to still myself, glad that, at least, I had managed to keep Naruto from retreating to his room, but I was still too afraid to look at him, keeping my gaze trained on the floor next to his right foot.

"He saved Rin's life and mine in exchange for his own in addition to giving me this," I said, before my arm fell slack at my side again. I tried to keep myself under wraps, but thinking back to that day, those failures. Those failures that shouldn't have happened. That caused so much pain for so many, but most of all the man in front of me. I couldn't keep my vision from blurring with regret and shame and grief.

"When Minato-sensei showed, he apologized to me for some reason. It wasn't until recently that I understood why. But I still think that I didn't deserve an apology. I was already a jounin. I should have been able to handle rescuing a teammate by myself, let alone with a partner. There shouldn't have been any casualties," I said before my voice cut out for a moment.

I took another stilling breath before I continued. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to talk much longer before breaking myself, but I had to push. I had to open up. I had to show him.

"It wasn't until Rin's death that I understood why my father chose to be ostracized and to commit suicide over taking the mission and sacrificing his ream. It was Obito who made me into a better shinobi and gave me the Sharingan, but Rin gave me the Mangekyo. I wonder if that lets her see everything too. If so, I guess it's a good thing that I read Jiraiya's books with my other eye," I managed, letting out a strangled laugh as I looked up at the ceiling.

I felt shameful tears falling from my eyes. I had no right to cry over the past, over my countless failures, least of all in front of him. But I couldn't will them away.

I'd reached my limit. I just prayed that I'd done enough.

Suddenly, I got my answer when I felt his shoulders on my hands, eyes looking at me with a panic.

"I never wanted to make you actually say any of that! I just… I just didn't want to talk myself, so I thought you would understand, but… But I never—!"

"It's fine," I told him, smiling at just a little as I cut off his panicked apology, but my words didn't change his expression at all.

So I took a step back from the warmth of his hands (I didn't deserve to be comforted), and looked at him straight on, as I calmed myself again.

Now or never, Kakashi.

"It's fine, Naruto. I only want to talk about it with you because it's you," I said, shoving away my nerves and just barely smiling at him again.

Tell him.

"I'd like it if you'd also want to talk to me because it's me," I started, feeling a whip of guilt hit me.

_So selfish._

"Although, I don't want to push you too hard. I know that you can handle everything on your own. I just want you to know that you don't have to," I finished.

I continued smiling just a little as I watched him. I knew that he was confused, and I wondered what I could say to make it more clear, but before I could decide, I suddenly found warm arms wrapped around me, and apologies reached my ears.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Kakashi, dattebayo. I didn't want to make you say that. I'm sorry that you lost your student because of me. I'm sorry that you lost your sensei because of me. I didn't want to do that… I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry I couldn't do more. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" he cried, tears staining my jacket, and I could just feel my heart getting ripped to shreds.

My arms were instantly around him, tangling in his hair and nearly squeezing the life out of him as I tried to think of anything to make him stop. Those were things that he didn't ever need to apologize for. They were never his fault. And I felt like I could die with the pain of knowing that he really did feel like it was his fault.

I buried my face in his shoulder as my eyes started to sting again, wishing I could just make him know everything I did, make him see himself through my eyes, make him know that he had no fault in any of it.

"No! Naruto, stop. Stop. None of it is your fault. Don't apologize. You've always protected everyone from the moment that Minato-sensei sealed the Kyuubi into you. That alone is more than anyone should ever be asked to do, but you've done even more. This time I just want to help you. I've been a terrible sensei for all of you all these years, and I can't fix that, but I want to help you. I want to try to at least scratch the surface of all that I owe you. Please, let me help you carry the weight you've always held alone," I said, the words tumbling out of me before I could even think about them.

I would open up, I would rip myself to shreds with my own confessions if it make him stop apologizing. I would do anything.

I felt him shaking in my arms and I didn't know if I should let go or hold him closer, so I just went with the selfish decision of holding him there, not moving until I heard him mumble again.

"Why?"

And that was the question, wasn't it.

Why did I want to help him?

Why did I want to hold him?

Why did I want to give him everything if it would make his life even fractionally easier?

I was selfish again and squeezed him to me just a little more.

"Because I care," I said quietly.

_Coward._

But Naruto continued to hold himself against me, and then I felt his body shaking more, and his breath went uneven as it did when he cried. I moved my hand in the soothing circuit again, though I felt guilt try to strangle me again.

He wasn't mad.

He was happy.

He was happy because I said that I cared about him.

Happy enough to cry.

Had I really shown him that little before?

_Never again._

_ Absolutely never again._

With all of the energy left in my body, I would make sure that he knew that he was cared for.

His breathing evened out again, and moved away. And while I missed the warmth, I followed him to the couch, trying to make it a little easier on him while I tried to figure out what to do myself.

"Maa, was it really that much of a surprise? You'll make me feel like even worse of a sensei, you know," I said, forcing my tone to be light. I was a masochist, but he smiled, and gods what I wouldn't do to keep that look there for eternity.

"It's not that! It's just… well, you know… not something I hear very often…" he said, looking away.

I was marginally surprised that he steered the conversation back to the serious side himself, but I was glad that at the very least, he was opening up still.

I dropped my hand on his head and ruffled his hair again as I stared forward, saying nothing, hoping that the quiet and the light affection would encourage him to continue.

After a few moments of quiet, my hope was fulfilled.

"The first person to ever even acknowledge me even a little bit was Iruka-sensei, just before joining your team. And then just before I went out to war, Iruka told me that I'm like a little brother to him. I didn't really know how to react then either. I was just so… overwhelmingly happy, deba. I just met my mother not too long before that when I was fighting Kurama, so I was really just overwhelmed with happiness, but I didn't know how to react. I mean, who would know what to do when you've been totally alone for the first sixteen years of your life, and then all of a sudden you have a family? It was totally awesome, but still really weird. I'm just not used to it, dattebayo," he told me, and I could see him smiling out of the corner of my eye. I forced the pain from my face as I continued running my hand through his hair.

I should have done more. I should have protected him as a child. I should have done anything to keep him safe, to keep him from being alone.

_Instead you didn't even look at him until you were forced to take him on your team._

I couldn't make up for it, but I would be sure to change it.

"And then there was the Ero-sennin, who was like a grandfather to me. When he died, all I wanted to do was take Pein down, and I didn't care if I was ripped to shreds in the process. I just wanted my hands to be coated in his blood, and I would have been just fine with letting Kurama take over if it allowed it, deba. But then I met the Yondaime. And he said that he had faith in me, even after I punched him in the stomach. I was stunned. And so happy. Just like when Jiraiya said that he would entrust his desire for peace with me. It made more sense what I had to do then, though. I mean, with Jiraiya I was still and idiotic kid, so I didn't really think about it. But with the Yondaime, I was in the middle of a battle, so I didn't have much time to be shocked. I still think about it, though. I'm sure that I could have had something better to say to him. I mean, I just met my dad for the first time, dattebayo! How could I just punch him, the Yondaime, in the gut and then go on a pointless rant? I should have said something better. With my mom too! I even thought that she was Kurama for a minute, deba! I wasted so much of that little time we had. I should have thought of something better," he continued.

And my stomach twisted painfully with a host of regrets again.

I knew from the beginning, and I should have told him, be damned the Third's law.

He frowned at the wall once he stopped, and I moved my hand to his shoulder and pulled him closer, trying to figure out what I could say to lessen his pain.

"They've been watching you this whole time. Minato-sensei, Kushina-san, Jiraiya-sama. They'll always be watching you. They all love you and are proud of you and want you to be happy. The same goes for Iruka-san too. And me too, you know," I told him, feeling my heart in my throat. I wasn't even confessing yet and I could feel my pulse in my fingertips from my nerves. Since when did I get so nervous?

And the silence that persisted didn't help.

But then he sighed and out of the corner of my eye, I saw his head drop, gazing towards the floor.

"I just don't know what to do… when you say something like that," the blond mumbled, and I forced my anxieties down.

I had to open up, and I had to get him to open up too.

"Just keep talking, Naruto," I told him, letting my hand fall back into a rhythm of stroking the back of his head and neck, hoping to rid him of some of his unease. He just nodded and after a few moments, he started talking again.

"Even Iruka used to hate me, you know. I don't blame him for it, though. His parents were killed too, after all. I'm just glad that he was able to look past his memories and see me for me," He started again, and I forced back a cringe. Naruto continued to amaze me every time. In spite of everything, he was so strong and so forgiving.

"It's strange, though, now that all the other villagers are starting to see me too. They even ask for my signature sometimes, dattebayo! But some of the ones asking for my signature seem to have forgotten that I'm still the same person that they yelled at and beat up. They forgot how they spat at me and cursed me. They forgot that they tried to kill me and encouraged their kids to try the same if they got the chance. They forgot that they hated me," he continued.

I saw his hands clenching and unclenching and it took great effort to keep my hands from doing the same.

At that moment, I wanted to go out and hunt down all the villagers and shinobi that treated Naruto like that back then.

_You don't have that right._

No, of course I didn't have the right to do that. I had no right to threaten them when I was no better. In fact, I was worse.

I remembered the night of the exam, the night that Naruto stole the Scroll of Seals from the Sandaime's residence. I could remember the buzz among the other shinobi about a "dangerous monster" and that he never should have been allowed to join the academy. I remembered some of them racing around, trying to find him, preparing weapons and readying themselves to kill him.

I knew exactly who the target of their hunt was.

And I did nothing.

I was surprised the next morning when I saw that he had not only lived, but graduated, and would be on my team.

"Or maybe they're just ignoring it. Or maybe they're lying… Or maybe it's just that they all still blame me for all those deaths on my birthday, but they've forgiven me for it since I've saved that many lives at least five times over. But I don't want to be forgiven, dattebayo. I have to interest in it. I don't need it. Not for that. Not from them," he said before pausing again as he took a shaky breath.

And my heart clenched yet again.

I hated it.

There wasn't a lot in the world that I could say I truly hated through and through, but the fact that Naruto had such a past, that he was so hurt in so many ways, I hated that.

And I was close to hating myself for it too.

But I wouldn't let it stay like that. I would change, and I would change everything I could for him. I was going to improve myself and improve his life. And to do that, he had to let out his pain, and I had to listen to it all. Because I had to right to stop listening when he was the one carrying all of it.

"I don't want them to apologize either. I may not have deserved the blame that they threw onto me, but without it, I probably wouldn't be who I am today, so it's not all bad," he said, and I froze.

I knew he didn't mean it.

I knew that he was trying to make it easier on me, make it so that he wouldn't seem like he was suffering with it as much as he was, make it so that I wouldn't pity him.

So I just looked at him, trying to figure out what to say, but all I could manage was his name.

"Naruto…"

I wanted to scold him, to make him say to truth, to keep from lying to himself and from closing me out. I knew that I couldn't let the lie pass without calling him out on it, otherwise he would just continue doing it and would start to believe it himself, and I absolutely could not let that happen.

"Is that you really feel?" I eventually managed, but his only response was to clench his fists into the material of his pants, and my heart clenched along with him, but I couldn't stop.

"…Naruto? Do you really feel that way? That you're the hero of the shinobi world because of their mistreatment?" I asked.

When he just grit his teeth, I worried that he really did believe it. That he had convinced himself that he wouldn't be so great if it weren't for the way he'd been treated. I worried that I was too late to help, like I was with everything else, but then I saw hot tears falling from his eyes, and as he started yelling, I knew that I wasn't too late this time. I still had a change to help him.

"Damn it! What the hell am I supposed to believe I've been trying to rationalize their treatment of me from the first memory I have, dattebayo! I wondered if it was because I was an orphan, but then I found out that I wasn't the only orphan! I thought maybe it was because of my hair color or something, but then I saw that the Yondaime had almost the exact same hair color, and everyone adored him but would curse me in the same breath. So then I started acting the way that deserved the treatment they gave me, but then they just hated me even more, deba! But then I found out why they hated me. They hated me for something that I didn't fucking do! They hated me for _existing_! Every fucking one of them would have preferred me dead! How the _fuck_ am I supposed to rationalize that! They have all wanted me dead from mere moments after I was fucking born! And the fucking council didn't just want me dead; they wanted me locked up in the deepest, darkest dungeon in the country until they could just 'release' me and force me into a rampage against whatever threat, like I'm some fucking raging animal. How the hell am I supposed to know how that changed me? It's been there my _whole fucking life_! I don't know about any kind of 'before' since the only 'before' I had was the first _five fucking minutes_ of my life dattebayo! So I just assume that I wouldn't be who I am since I'm an idiot and can't make it make sense. And Mizuki wasn't the first person to pretend to be nice just for the chance to kill me either, so of course I don't fucking know how to react when people are nice to me and seem to care. I was raised with loneliness, hate and betrayal, not love and warmth. I went from the cursed demon of Konoha to the celebrated hero of the world in just a few years, and I can't help feeling that I'm more like the demon. So I killed Tobi? Who fucking cares! I also killed countless people that were already dead and I took down all those Zetsu. Not to mention the fact that the war was started because of me dattebayo! _Every single one of those deaths is on my head_. I may have saved five times more lives than Kurama took when I was born, but I probably have ten times more lives riding on my head! Including my own fucking parents and my fucking godfather, one of the most beloved shinobi of Konoha! His life alone is probably worth another hundred in the eyes of most shinobi! Not to mention that _you_ even fucking died because of me once, dattebayo!" he cried, choking on his words by the end.

My whole body hurt just listening to him and it took effort not to cry. He was blaming himself for things that he never needed to feel guilty about.

And he needed to know that he was loved, that there were people he could trust now, even if he couldn't in the past.

And I would make sure that he knew.

But to do that, I had to give up on planning, and I had to push away my own guilt and nervousness. So I took a slow breath as I reached for the still-clenched hand closest to me and gently unfurled it.

Blood dripped from his hand onto mine since he was digging his nails so deeply into his palms. It hurt me to see it as I smeared the blood away with my thumb. I watched the small wounds quickly seal shut again, leaving no trace that there was ever an injury.

I knew that the emotional and mental wounds were still there, though, and I knew that they wouldn't heal shut so easily or quickly, but I was going to try my best to help him.

I looked back up at him and saw that he was still crying, and before I even though about it, my hands were on his cheeks, wiping away the drops falling from his eyes.

"Naruto, none of it is your fault. But you deserve so much more than an apology," I told him, leaving one hand on his cheek, running my thumb back and forth across his soft skin. He was so warm, and I was greedy.

I hugged him to me tightly before I spoke again.

"You deserve so much love and warmth and everything that you didn't have before," I said gently, and then I felt him shaking in my arms as the sound of sobs reached my ears. Everything hurt when I heard that sound, so I just held him closer, hoping that the warmth would hold us both together.

But I knew that he needed more than that, and deserved so much more. Just loving him silently wouldn't be enough. He needed to know. He deserved to feel it.

And I loved him more than I could contain.

So my hands moved in a hopefully soothing circuit around his back, and then I took a deep breath. He understood actions better than words, so I knew that I was going to have to start taking action. So slowly, gently, my cloth-covered lips met his tear-stained cheeks.

He was warm. His personality and his body were both warmer than anything I'd ever felt, and I just hoped that I could keep it going and return as much as I could to him.

Eventually, he stopped crying, and I pulled away just a little.

He smiled up at me just barely, and then I knew exactly what I had to do, no matter how strong my heart was ramming in my chest.

_You can't help anyone with your mask on, Kakashi._

_So get rid of them._

I took a slow breath as my fingers slid under the edge of the fabric on my face, and then I pulled it down, staring at the slowly-widening blue eyes in front of me.

I would trust him with anything and everything.

And I would love him with everything I had.

So I gave him a small smile as my mask fell from my face the rest of the way.

I knew he was surprised, and I wanted to give him time to process what I was doing. So place one hand on his shoulder and one on his cheek, and ever-so slowly, I leaned in and kissed his temple, then his cheek bone and along the dried trails that his tears had left behind. And then, finally, my lips just barely touched his.

Every soft touch was met by him leaning into me just barely, so much that I almost thought that I was imagining it.

But it was enough to leave me wanting for more, but I didn't do anything else. I didn't move. I waited for him to respond, be it by punching me or yelling at me.

I was glad that I didn't have to wait long since my heart was beating at an unhealthy rate that only worsened each second that I waited.

"Wh-wha… What are you doing!?" he sputtered, though he didn't push me away as I'd half-expected, for which I was selfishly grateful.

Then I pulled back enough to make eye contact.

_You've gotten rid of one mask, Kakashi. Now for the other._

"Naruto, only you could go through everything that you have and still become so great. Not just as the hero of Konoha and the shinobi world, but as a teammate, a friend, a person. And though it's not nearly enough to make up for everything that you've gone through, you are loved by so many people. By Sakura as a most precious friend. By Iruka as a younger brother. By Tsunade as a grandson. By every shinobi as a comrade. By the world as a hero. By me," I told him, and I didn't let myself stop there even as his eyes widened even further with confusion and nervousness and happiness.

"You are a very precious person, Naruto. I'm sure that I'm not the only one that knows that, but none of us did enough to protect you. You fought so hard to protect all the people who are precious to you, and you did marvelously. I am so proud of you, Naruto, and I'm sure that Minato-sensei and Jiraiya-sama feel the same. But none of us could do our job as well as you did yours. We couldn't protect you like you did us, I can't say how much I regret that. And not just because of Sasuke, but long before the war too," I said, trailing off as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for just a moment. Now he knew. He knew my guilt. He knew how wonderful and important he was to the rest of the world.

_Now tell him about yourself._

"I want to fix that from now on. From here, no matter what you need, I'll be sure you have it. I'll do whatever you ask of me. I won't leave you to suffer alone. Not again… Never again," I told him seriously, pausing as thoughts of his cries returned to me. I would never leave him like that again, and to do that, he had to know that he wasn't ever going to be alone again.

"Naruto, I love you. From now on, I am totally dedicated to you. You don't have to return my feelings. You don't have to acknowledge my feelings. No matter what, I am going to do everything I can to help you have the life you want, with whomever you want," I said, giving him a small smile before giving one last kiss to his forehead. Then I moved back and pulled away my hands as I watched him, waiting for him to run or yell or throw punches.

Now he knew, and I was going to follow through.

"You don't love me."

Of everything I'd expected, that wasn't it. The blond continued to earn his title of Number One Most Unpredictable Ninja.

"Of course I—"

"No! You don't! There's no way! And there's no way you could say that and really love me! You won't care if I spend the rest of my life with someone else? Bullshit! If you loved me, there's no way you could say that!" he yelled, cutting me off.

Slowly, my surprise left, and I couldn't help a small smile.

"I never said I wouldn't care, but your happiness means more to me than mine," I told him simply. I knew that that much, he would be able to understand. He'd been acting the same way for so long, after all, so I knew that he would understand it coming from me.

I watched as the anger and gave way to surprise. Then, finally, belief settled into his expression, and I was relieved.

"Then make me happy," he said, and I gave him a smile as I pushed away my own desires.

"I'll do my best," I told him. From there, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. He knew. He opened up, and now I had to figure out what else he needed, who else he wanted to make his life as he deserved.

Suddenly, I felt myself getting yanked towards him, with his angry face right in front of me.

"I meant do it yourself, deba!" he growled at me before roughly pushing his lips against mine.

"Unpredictable" wasn't even close to the surprises that the blond held.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! **

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one probably won't be this long, but after that their lengths should even out some more. **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I really loved writing it. The entire time I wrote the confession scene for Red and Black, I kept thinking about Kakashi's point of view for it, so I'm really glad to have finally gotten to write it.**

**Anyway, I hope you'll be looking forward to the next chapter and have a great day!**


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